Funny things Brady says ... mom's rules

So at a playdate today Brady's friend threw some mulch from the playground and his Mom quickly reprimanded him. What does Brady immediately do? Yup, throw a handful of mulch at me.

To which I said, "Brady, your friend was just told not to do that and you shouldn't either."

He answered, "But you're a different mom, so I thought you might have a different rule."

That's my standard line when he asks "Why does so-and-so get to do X and I don't!" I tell him, so-and-so's mom may have different rules than me. I guess just like brain development, he threw that one back to me too! Good try, kiddo, but it won't work!

Summer is family reconnect time, how fun!

The best thing about summer is being able to reconnect as a family.

During the school year, there is such a hurry-hurry, keep-moving-forward momentum to our days and the pressure of worrying about behavior issues.

But in the summer we just get to "be."

And I always rediscover just how cool my little guy is. To the left here, we are at the latest in a long line of doctors over the years. We changed to one much closer to us and went through the hour-long initial appointment where I explain all our troubles again.

Brady is such a good sport at these, but mostly he loves investigating whatever new toys the new place has. He made a gear assembly he called a "clock" and then stuck a little wooden peg in it so it wouldn't turn. Ha! Little engineer.

He's also been giving the Vulcan symbol and saying, "Live Long and Prosper," to everyone. I just can't believe he really does embrace my love of Star Trek! Yay! It was too much to hope for.

But yesterday in the car, he did it with both hands and then told me, "Well, now that I've been able to do this for 3 days, we're not so impressed anymore."

Ha!

Yesterday he also befriended an adorable 2-year-old girl in Spangles and they shared a booth alone (flanked on either side by her parents and us in other booths, LOL) while they ate and he showed her how to use his Vreader. He has such a kind heart. He tells me he wants to be a teacher and I think he'd be a good one. 

And my favorite thing he's said lately as we were on the way to the office to work for the day. I bring his Nintendo DS but he isn't allowed to play it until we're at the office.

I also brought along a backpack with his Vreader, games, calculator, books, pen and paper. I told him during the drive he could pick whatever he wanted out of there or we could just talk.

He didn't miss a beat and said,"I'd want to just talk to you!"

And we did. All 45 minutes of the drive to the office. Those are my favorite times of the summer. 

Learning to hunt: Step 1, signed up for class!

So in the state of Kansas, "Anyone born on or after July 1, 1957 must be certified by an approved course in hunter education before they can hunt."

I am starting a new journey this week as I just signed up for that course. I will complete an online portion and then in August, I will participate in a 6-hour field day to complete my certification. Just in time for turkey season.

I think hunting is a very responsible way to acquire meat. The hunter takes personal responsibility for their food and sees first hand the sacrifice the animal makes, albeit unwillingly. It has lived free until becoming food for us. A child learns exactly what happens in the circle of life. We bypass the production and chemicals of store-bought meat. And if that age-old sci-fi movie prediction of apocalypse comes to pass, well, at least we have the skills to make do for awhile.

We are also continuing an ancient human tradition of hunting and providing food for ourselves independent of someone else. The tools are different now, but the idea is the same.

I'm not ready for mammals yet, but I would like to try a variety of game birds, starting with dove and wild turkey. Here are photos of dishes I've cooked in the last year from meat hubby has procured: turkey fingers and grilled-bacon wrapped dove. Yum!

 

Funny things Brady says... brain development...

Tonight when he was procrastinating going to the bath and was doing something he wasn't supposed to, I scolded him.

Brady: "I'm sorry. My brain's just not developed yet."

I couldn't help but laugh. Why did I think it was necessary to tell him that the other day? I can't remember why now. And why didn't it occur to me that he'd remember it and use it later?

Anyway, I then said, "Yeah, and it's my job to help develop it and if you don't do what you're supposed to, you won't like my methods!"

Ha!

Living with a chronic illness part 2: Coping

Yesterday, I explained how I was recently diagnosed with ulcerative colitis and how that affected how I felt both physically and emotionally over the last few months.

Here's a list of a few things I found to help cope along the way:

Lift it up and give it away

       First and foremost and always, pray. I prayed a lot. Prayed for God to help me through, take it way, lead me down the path to health, show me what to do. Sometimes this is the only thing you have and don't ever let it go. Hold on to prayer as tight as you can and replace every worry, every fear, with words to God. Not that it's easy!

       I really like what a pastor said once. It's not that God doesn't give you more than you can handle, only more than you can handle without Him. These are the times when it is most important to turn your life to Him even if you don't like what is happening or cannot see the path ahead.

Find a good doctor  

       This is whether you are first getting diagnosed and treated, or are farther down the road. My first doctor was the worst I have ever been to in my entire life. Going in, I thought I had something very minor. Coming out, he sent a 20-something nurse who knew very little to tell me I had a potentially serious lifelong disorder. Without ever speaking to me in person, he prescribed me 15 pills for the very next day, which I did not take. I also filed a complaint about him. How can I trust the care of a person who will not even take the time to speak to me?

Get a second opinion

       Do not be afraid to ask questions and get a second opinion if you aren't satisfied. It is your right, though make sure how your insurance plan will handle it so there are no surprises. And before you do, ask around and do extensive research. After the bad experience I had, I talked to two friends whose spouses I was vaguely aware had similar disorders and also looked up doctors in larger cities.

       I looked at credentials, feedback ratings and comments from patients, age, years in practice, specialty and what associations they were members of. I narrowed it to one, a lady doctor an hour away who is a member of both official national colitis organizations. Someone I know also goes to her. I love her. She took the time to talk to me and calm me down, discuss options and opened the door for me to call her office at any time. Her nurse has been so wonderful and even let me cry on the phone with her. Now that is what it feels like to be cared for by a physician.

Even when it's hard, find gratitude

       Find something, anything, to be grateful for. Again, my symptoms and future are not near what some people struggle with and maybe that makes gratitude easier, but there were days I just wanted to cry and give up. I fought and fought to remember, at least it's not something worse. At least my symptoms aren't as bad as they could be. At least I slept good last night. At least I have my husband to support me. At least I'm not alone. At least I have health insurance. In the worst moments, after I prayed, I cast around my mind until I could snag something to be grateful for.

Tell your spouse

       There were times I wanted to hide how I was feeling both physically and emotionally. No one wants to moan and groan all the time. I wanted to be strong. But I always broke down and told him just what I felt. Not only does it help them understand what you're going through, it also helps them support you and gives you a sounding board for what to do next. 

Tell your kids

       Of course I didn't go into detail with Brady and you don't want to scare them, but I found myself on several occasions having a very short fuse. I felt bad. I felt tired. I felt discouraged. And I would snap at him. So I told him, honey, if I'm a little extra grumpy, I'm sorry. I just don't feel very good today. It helped him to understand and me to understand too.

Don't be ashamed

       Clearly, I don't care who knows about my situation because I believe there's nothing to be ashamed about. Not only that, maybe someone else going through it will realize they're not alone. But even if you aren't an open book and decide to keep it quiet, don't ever be ashamed of your struggles and just make sure there's someone or a few someones you can confide in. Suffering in silence is so very lonely.

       Lots of people have health issues. It's just a fact of life. We can't help that it's a part of who we are now and it is no reflection on who we are as people. And I really believe that sharing our struggles in this life makes them more bearable. A health problem is not a blight. It doesn't mean you're weak or tainted or bad. It simply is a part of life. Accept yourself for how you are now and love yourself just as much.

Ask for what you need

       If you need help with chores around the house, ask for it. If you need a break, take it. If you need a nap, take that too. Listen to your body and don't push it farther than it can go and let others help you. Treat yourself well and stay as healthy as possible in all other areas of your life.

Have patience with your loved ones

       They are all worried about you. They want to help, they want to offer advice, they want to encourage you to get help and not later, but NOW! A couple of times I got angry about that, mostly because I felt like it was me living this and it was up to me to figure it out and I knew best. But anything they say or do is out of love and care and concern. That in itself is a blessing and something to be grateful for.

Research, but carefully

       Google can be good and bad. You can research expected symptoms and treatments, home remedies, what has worked for other people. But be careful or you risk scaring yourself . Make sure you only get information from reputable health sites like WebMD, Mayo Clinic, CDC, National Institutes of Health or an agency specific to your disorder, in my case that's the Crohn's and Colitis Foundation of America. Messageboards where people experiencing the disorder post can also be helpful to get ideas and support.

If you can, get group support

       Whenever I have a problem - postpartum depression, divorce - I seek out a support group. I absolutely love them. The understanding and help you get from others with your exact specific experience is amazing. But unfortunately there are no support groups in my area for what I have. But there were several online. If you are in the midst of feeling bad or if you are the family member of someone struggling, a support group can be a kind of lifeline.

 Keep busy

       Do whatever you have to do to distract yourself and keep from sitting around moping. It is so easy to get caught in a thought loop about what you are going through and wallowing in it and then feeling worse all around. I was so very happy gardening season came upon us so I had something else to focus on. Keep as active as you can physically and also mentally. Read, write, cook, craft, plan projects, spend time with friends, make a goal and work toward it. Get outside. Fresh air and sunshine always help. If you can keep moving physically, do that too even if it is just a little at a time.

Take it one day at a time

       This is a very hard lesson I've had to learn over and over in life. Just get through today. Tomorrow will attend to itself. When you learn you have a lifelong illness that will likely recur again and again, and may cause more problems years from now, it is so easy to get overwhelmed. But just get through today. Do what you need to do to get in the best health possible. Pray all along the way. Celebrate the smallest successes every day. And just get through the moment, the hour, the day. 

       You don't know what the future holds. You cannot know. So there is very little use in worrying about it. That's easier said than done, but things will be so much better for it if you can do it.

Loved ones, remember ...

       Just because the person you love may look okay in one moment, they may not be feeling okay underneath. It's possible for them to seem like everything's normal for awhile. Check in with them often, see what it is they need. They may be trying to put on a strong front and just need that nudge and that assurance of your support. It's tough to say, hey, I have a problem and things are different. But struggling all alone is one of the worst things in the world. Stick with them and by them and hug them a lot.

       Be honest with them. Give them advice. But also listen very closely to what they are saying and give them the freedom, space and power to decide their fate. In times like these, a person wants to maintain a measure of control over their own life when so many other things seem out of their control.

If you have to, take medicine

       Oh boy, I did NOT want to do this. I hate taking medicine. I've hardly ever taken long-term medicine and when I did, I always got off just as soon as I could. I tried hard to kick this without meds and the wonderful doctor I found gave me the freedom to do that. She let me try lesser alternatives and she did not try to push me.

       And when I finally decided all on my own it was something I needed to try, her wonderful nurse found me the least expensive alternative ($380 + insurance + prescription card = $100 per month out of pocket as opposed to $600 + insurance = $290 per month from the original bad doctor). And they put me on half the number of pills as the other guy.

       I don't know if I'll have to always take it. I may be able to be off of it for periods of time, but if I do I am happy to report that it has worked great. Gosh, what did people do 100 years ago with this? Just suffered, I guess. I finally feel good and normal again. That is truly a blessing. Thank you, God.    

Only in a small town ... sitting downtown

Brady and I ride and walk all over town all the time. We usually see a lot of people in our travels but we don't stay in place for long.

Today we rode up town and got a "pop" (Brady won't let me call it "soda" anymore since we live in Kansas now and he's certain the people won't know what I'm talking about) from the 75-cent vending machine in front of the restaurant, then plopped on a bench and shared it.

In the 10 minutes we spent sitting there, we saw the town cop (to which Brady hollered, "My mom says I shouldn't holler at police!" followed quickly by, "Do you ever arrest people?"). The town cop is a good sport and he hollered back across Main Street from the post office. Brady said, "I didn't know police went to the post office."

We then saw a friend of ours who is the mom of one of Brady's classmates and good friends, on her way to work at the restaurant. And we saw three different ladies from our church.

I just love living here.

Living with a chronic illness, part 1 of 2

Up until earlier this year, I have been blessed - truly and gloriously blessed - with very good health. I have always had the three A's: asthma, allergies and anxiety, but they are fairly mild by now and all well managed. I'm used to them.

Then something else came along. I was diagnosed this year with ulcerative colitis. It was a disorder I knew absolutely nothing about. I'm not sure I'd ever even heard of it. But in a nutshell it is a suspected autoimmune disorder in which the body attacks its own colon and can make you feel pretty bad.

And from that experience, I have just a tiny glimpse of what it is like to live with a chronic, lifelong illness you cannot ever get rid of, that could someday lead to other complications. That, my friends, is super scary. Especially when you're only 41!

Before I go on, I want to say that I'm posting this to maybe give ideas to someone facing a new illness or to their family members who are trying to support them. No one should feel bad for me because there are worse things to get than what I have. Much much much worse with a lot worse symptoms and future problems.

And mine is fairly mild, there are a variety of medications that help, and I can achieve and maintain remission, hopefully for long periods of time. So, still, I am super lucky.

But for a few months while I worked to get it under control, I felt bad a lot, tired and angry and confused and scared and miserable. I didn't feel like me at all. What defined who I am was changing.

I have time and again seen depression go along with chronic illness. When I was in the hospital with postpartum depression, alongside me was a beautiful 20-something athletic girl who had been diagnosed with multiple sclerosis and a wonderful 34-year-old man with severe rheumatoid arthritis. They fought horrible depression as their health changed and declined.

The girl lost custody of her adopted daughter. The man could no longer work to provide for his family. He agonized that his wife had to be the bread winner. I wonder about them and how they are now. I pray for them.

I have a better idea now why a person might spiral into that state of being over time. Here you are used to being strong and healthy and suddenly, WHAM, you can't do what you used to anymore. You don't feel the same anymore. When your health changes and you have to make adjustments and choices you never wanted to make, that is really really hard.

You want so badly to just feel normal again. You wake up every day and think, "What is today going to be like? Good or bad?" There are times you pray for God to just help you through this (thank God I have God!). You feel betrayed by your own body and you want to shout at it and make it stop doing what it's doing! And you are resentful that you did everything right - quit smoking, very little drinking, ate healthy, kept weight down, exercise, etc. - and you still got sick!

It feels unfair and it's easy to get discouraged and tired and, yes, depressed.

So, tomorrow - now that I'm finally feeling lots better - I will list a few things I think helped me in the hopes they might help someone else or help someone else understand what a loved one is feeling.

Here is part 2 on Coping. 

Offering a kindness when no one knows

I guess by writing this blog post I am somewhat negating what I'm saying because now someone knows! LOL!

But that's okay, the idea remains the same and I'll continue to do these things when in that moment the only ones that will know are me and God. And whoever is with me, I guess!

A pastor once had a wonderful sermon about doing things for others even when no one else will know about it. Because it makes us feel good. Because it helps our fellow man. Because that's what God would want. Because it's the right thing to do.

It struck a cord with me and I try to do it. There are lots of ways a person can pay forward a kindness not even to a stranger but to someone you will never see, meet or even witness their making use of what you have done.

These are simple things. Here are ways I try to do this. And I find it lifts my spirits during the day. If you can think of and be kind toward faceless phantoms who will come down the path after you've left, how much easier will it be to be kind to those closest to you?

When I go to the store, unless I'm in a HUGE hurry, am sick or have someone with me who has difficulty walking, I never ever ever park in the closest spot. I save it for someone else. I don't need it. It's not all about me. I hope the person who gets it finds a little joy in their day. I found joy by not taking it.

Whenever I get a great coupon I won't use - $10 off baby formula, for example, which I have no idea why I still get these - I take it to Walmart anyway and leave it by that item. I hope it gives someone a little joy and extra money.

When I see a turtle in the road, yes, I stop and save him. The other day Brady and I pulled off the road and this poor guy was just about to get it from a truck. Brady and I both cried, "I can't look!" We hid our eyes and only looked up after the truck had passed. But the guy was okay!

I ran out when it was safe and moved him on. Now, I guess Brady and the turtle knew about that, but still, it is just a small kindness, that maybe will not only help the turtle but spare some person the guilt of hitting him or the child the trauma of seeing it.

There are thousands of little ways a person could do an unseen kindness. The pastor said more longtime church-goers could sit in the center part of the church leaving the aisle seats open so that newcomers wouldn't feel nervous having to come way up front or squeeze past people to get a seat.

Another might be picking up trash you find that has blown into someone's yard if you're on a walk. Or putting back a grocery cart that has been left in the parking lot blocking a parking space. Or donating something really nice to a Goodwill.

Think on it a bit. What could you do in life that might make someone else's day easier, better, brighter, smoother just by your single act? They will never know you. You will never know them. But the act and its beauty still remain, a bright spot in the universe.

Garden woes: you'd think those plants were kids!

I fret over my garden. Oh, how are they doing? Will they grow? Are they okay? When it rains or hails, I can't wait to run out and see what happened.

"Oh hello everybody, how are you doing today? Is it sunny enough? Do you have enough water? That's it, reach, stretch, stand up tall!"

Oh boy. 

So last year we had our share of garden problems including:

• The cat used one cucumber mound for a littler box. Sigh. 
• The cucumber bugs ate every baby cucumber that popped out. 
• What the bugs didn't get, the bunnies got.    
• The bunnies also got the tomatoes and so did the birds. I'd find half-eaten ones strewn around and once caught a bunny flat-out with one in his mouth!
• The deer tromped into the garden - with tracks evident right up to the okra plants - and then ate all of my okra. 
• The radishes never did amount to much, neither did the onions. 
• We got so excited that our carrots actually grew, we ate all of them when they were still "baby carrots." Oh boy they were good though! 
• We planted the pumpkin too late and while it had beautiful flowers, it never set a pumpkin. 
• The lack of rain made it hard for things to grow.
• The strawberries were probably already dead when I planted them. But what did I know! I thought they were supposed to look like that. 

And this year we're already having some adventures.

• I got the strawberries and then winter decided to let me know it wasn't done, we had snow up until May 1, I think, and only 12 of the original 20 were even remotely viable. They'd withered up in the house during that month.
• I got the 12 planted and then the deer - once again - made their presence known by tromping right through the strawberry patch. Minus another 3. The hail took out a few more. Now we're down to 3 of the original 20, but they look good so far! 
• I raised 5 tomato plants from seeds I kept from last year. One of the seedlings broke in the transplant. Another broke in the hail. The other 3 are doing great!
• I had no idea if my cucumber seeds I saved from last year were viable. I planted half of them, one struggled to pop it's head up, then a big storm came and beat everybody up and all the seeds were washed out on top of the mounds. Sigh. 
• So I planted the other half, then came another storm and it nearly broke one guy who was coming up (he's sort of leaning still) and his little buddy was gimpy with only one leaf because his seed case got stuck on him. To date, we have four cucumber plants up. Yay!
• The okra seeds from last year don't seem to be any good so I have to replant with store bought seeds. 
• Same with the butternut squash and patty pan. None of those guys are coming up either. Off to the store.
• Two pumpkin plants are up! Yay!
• The carrots look great. But how long can we wait to eat them?

Anyway, this gardening thing is something, but I really do love it.

One of the seedlings I raised! Isn't he beautiful?

Gimpy One-Leaf Cucumber and his friend, The Leaner, in the background.

Two pumpkin plants.

A happy row of carrots.

Behavior toolbox: 26 ways we keep on track

I don't know how anyone else's kid is, but mine requires a multifaceted approach to discipline and guidance. I will try something and it will work great ... for awhile. But then it loses its effectiveness and something else will have to take its place.

With enough techniques I can kind of rotate things in and out. Now this doesn't mean I do it efficiently and intentionally all the time, but if I keep a lot of things in my brain, I will come up with something when needed.

I find that what works best is a rounded approach. We do some natural consequences, choices when possible, encouraging independence, practicing expectations and outcomes, lots of rewards, punishment like loss of privileges or time in his room, charts and schedules, earning of "treats", etc.

I see my disciplinary toolbox as my parental Whack A Mole for problem areas in Brady's life. I was really surprised with how many I use when I sat down and thought about it!

Here's a list of some of the things we do:

1) The Prize Store

         My all-time favorite is The Prize Store. I can never say enough about how good this has been for us. It is our primary motivator.

2) Other rewards

         He has to earn the right to play his Vreader or DS on the bus through responsible choices. They're expensive games, so he has to show responsibility before taking them out into the world. He can earn other special things along the way. Today he did great in Walmart and got $1.50 for the game room when we were done. Hey, that's how life works, right? You do good at work, you get a raise!

3) 1-2-3 Magic 

         This link describes 1-2-3 Magic. I still use this, but it works best for more simple immediate requests.

4) Natural consequences

         For example, he refuses to wear long pants on a hike and gets scratches on his legs; he throws a toy, it breaks and we do not get a new one. You make a choice and there are consequences, sometimes not-so-good ones and let me tell you, he remembers that the next time. 

5) Key-word phrases 

         For us right now it is Yes, sir, and yes, ma'am. This sign of respect is a great code word and trigger for his behavior. But he won't always do it or remember to do it and so sometimes I remind him.

6) Down time for us both

        Sometimes the best answer is for him to spend time in his room, especially if he is arguing a lot. The amount is dependent upon the infraction. Or if he is refusing to take responsibility for something, I say he should stay there until he understands what he did wrong. Today it was, "When you are ready to behave like a big boy, you may come out." What do you know, in 5 minutes he was dressed and came out with a totally different attitude. This gives him time to get it together.

7) Timers

        That beep signals transition time and has worked wonders since he was about 2 years old. Though as he gets older, clocks (below) becomes more of the go-to time signal.

8) Clocks 

         Done brushing teeth in 5 minutes or no stories at bed (we have clocks in EVERY room, easy digital ones he can read quickly). This may seem harsh, but some nights if we don't do that it - seriously! - takes 20 minutes, not because he's brushing his teeth that long but because he's playing around. For example, getting dressed after bath the other night. After 10 minutes he calls me and says real quiet, "I was pretending to be a ninja and kicked my underwear into the bath water." Sigh.

 9) Choices

         If I can give him some alternatives to choose from during our day - where to go, when to go, what to eat, what to wear, what to play - I will. We all like to have a little control, don't we?

10) Independence

         Encouraging independence. He has responsibilities and chores, earns an allowance. He contributes to the family and has an important role. We also try to make it possible for him to do as many things as he can for himself (see link above).  


11) His own battles

         Along with independence comes letting him solve some problems on his own so he can learn how to problem solve. I list some of those battles at the link above. 

12) Minor privilege loss

         If he throws a fit about turning TV off, no TV the next day at all. If he won't get out of the bath, no stories at bedtime. Kind of natural consequences or Love & Logic there. This had an unexpected cool side effect. One week he lost TV and first earned back only Discovery, National Geographic, Weather Channel and Animal Planet. Thus was born our family's new love of the show, River Monsters! 

13) Major privilege loss

         We reserve this for biggies and it's only used 2 or 3 times a year probably. If we're having a really bad week that is spiraling out of control or a lot of disrespect with us and teachers, he loses TV, DS, computer, dessert, peanut butter (it's a BIG motivator to earn this back), allowance, prize store and has a half-hour earlier bedtime. With good behavior he can earn 1 or 2 back daily. So he can see positive results quickly and he usually works hard for it.

          I tell him, "I will always love you and provide food, clothing, shelter, all the things you need. But these other things, these 'treats', you have to earn." When we do this, it is almost like a reset. We go back to the beginning and he gradually remembers what it takes to get life back to where it was. This is no fun for anyone, but there are times we do it and he learns from it.

14) Practice makes perfect

          Practice. Practice. Practice. And also role playing. During the school year we practice a lot: walking in line, sitting in our seat, raising our hand, motions for school program, how to behave during transitions or unexpected chaos. Whew.

15) Keep what you can the same

          Structure and routine. This wards off a lot of problems, including things like our shoe chart, which negated our daily morning battle.

16) Prayer

          I don't use this enough, but I need to pray when we're in the midst of a problem to help redirect us both. I will try harder to remember. When I do, we both stay more calm. And I find the routine of going to church is good for all of us.

17) Hold hands

          Along these lines, which I also forget, is to hold hands even when times are tough. You stay connected and you both remember how much you love each other.

18) Atta Boy

          Keep things positive whenever you can. Tell them what's good about them. What they do right. "Catch" them doing the right thing. Give a bonus, surprise unstructured reward when they do something right without prompting or make a great choice. This helps us so much.

19) Learning tools

          Books to help with specific behaviors or problem areas or life changes have been really wonderful for us. I'd also recommend Little Critter books and Berenstain Bear books.

20) Food and water

          This seems like an unspoken rule, but sometimes when Brady is acting up I suddenly realize he's probably hungry or tired or bored or thirsty. Even though he's 7 he doesn't always recognize these things immediately. Keep them well rested and fed. I know my own behavior gets worse when I'm hungry or tired!

21) Work as a team

          Encourage team work. You can tell your child, we're trying to achieve X, how can YOU help that happen?

22) Find something to be grateful for

          Encourage gratitude. Even when he's suffering a consequence. I say, well at least it's only this and not that. Or, you'll earn X or Y back tomorrow, I know you can do it. Or at dinner, balking at a new food, "Well, at least it's not the worst, peas!" And show him the things you're grateful for, even if he hasn't made the choices you want. "I'm so thankful you were honest with me and I appreciate that. But this is why what you did was a bad choice..." If you think of it, you can even tell him how the consequence will make things better. But of course they won't believe it for years!

23) Mix up the week

          Deal with hyper-focus on one thing by structuring your week and letting them do one different favorite thing every day. That way he doesn't zone out on one particular thing. Keeps us all healthier and happier!

 24) Warnings

          Probably not everyone agrees with this, but I almost ALWAYS give Brady at least a 5 minute warning before it's time to go, time for dinner, time for bed, time to get off the computer, whatever. Just that little bit of time to get his mind around what is coming makes a WORLD of difference. If we've experience a problem in the past with a particular thing, I will warn him: "Remember, if you do X, there will be consequences."

         And when it's time to leave some fun place, if he still throws a fit, this is my consistent response every single time, "Brady, I will never leave you somewhere. Ever. But I am walking to the car now. If I get there and you aren't with me and I have to come back and get you, there will be consequences. And they will be..." A lot of times I tell him what will happen. He believes me enough that it almost always works.

25) Take the time

         Life is busy and full and it's hard to stop and spend that one-on-one time with a kid. But it does help with behavior issues and strengthens the team mentality. We're in this together, the good, the bad and the in between. Our adventures are such a blast and I work hard (but don't always succeed) to carve out time together every week. But I always keep working at it, working and working, and in the end it happens more often than not.

 26) Pick your battles

         Like I mentioned the other day, be sure you know what you are saying "No" about and why. If there's no reason to battle, really, then let it go!

         I will always try to prepare Brady as much as possible for what he might encounter in life. I know life won't do that and other people won't. I know some people think I should just be tough. Give rules and enforce them. But they don't know my kid. 
         It's not that easy, not for any of us. We go through so much rough stuff, I want us to keep it smooth whenever we can. And I believe these things we do are teaching him in a safe, slow and steady way what he needs to learn to cope in this life. In the end, that's what really matters.