Marriage & finances: You had me at Dave Ramsey

My husband and I have a crazy story that spans two decades and involves two engagements and Facebook. Basically we were engaged at 22, split up for 16 years, reunited on FB and then married on 9-10-11 (so neither of us will forget the date!).

A person changes a lot between 22 and 40, right? Well, our relationship back then and now reflects that change pretty clearly. One area most of all is finances.

When we were young, we did not see eye to eye on finances. He has always been very conservative and I, on the other hand, was too free with money. My approach to finances at that time led to many years of debt later on when we were no longer together.

The very first night my husband and I spoke on the phone after 16 years, what became quickly clear was that we were now on the same page financially. After learning we both had paid-off 2001 Corollas with more than 150,000 miles on each, I said something like, "Have you ever heard of Dave Ramsey?" (A financial guru I'll talk more about in a minute).

He said, "Of course!" Turns out he had read Dave's books and listened to him on the radio. I had listened to Dave's CD's which helped me take control of my finances.

Different financial philosophies can create a lot of tension in a marriage. I have experienced that personally and it is no fun.

And I can attest to the fact that once you are on the same page with your spouse - not necessarily of the exact same mind but working toward the same goal - married life is a lot smoother. After having experienced both sides of this, I'd just like to offer my few tips if you find a financial division in your home:

• First and foremost, talk about it. I made the mistake of holding back my thoughts in my first marriage until I was really upset and then it was a blow up.
• Take it slow. Change is hard and the end result is very important. Nothing worthwhile is easy.
• Give each other grace. Financial issues are deeply personal and tied to what a person views as important as well as how they were raised. Try and understand their point of view.
• Approach it as a team, not a you vs. them. What are your goals as a couple for your family, your home, your future?
• Consider checking out Dave Ramsey. He has great advice for couples here and in his CD series talks about how there is usually a "nerd" and a "free spirit" as it relates to money. He has books, CDs and also offers biblical-based Financial Peace University classes at churches that couples can take together. His ideas changed the way I look at money.
• Check  out the Money Saving Mom's posts on marriage and finances. She has a lot of great ideas.
• Set goals. What do you want to achieve? By when? Sometimes sitting down and writing goals solidifies the thoughts in your head and puts you down the path. 
• Keep communication open. As your circumstances and life situation changes over the years, so will your goals and needs. I think Dave Ramsey advocates a monthly budget meeting. My husband and I work together so we discuss finances a lot throughout the month, but you could set up a day that you sit down and focus on it.
• Keep some flexibility. Again, Dave Ramsey advocates a "blow" category in your budget or "fun money." I think that's crucial. This way you each maintain independence and can buy certain things you want, but within the joint structure you have come up with together. Nobody wants to have to explain everything little thing they buy! 
• Decide who handles the technical part. In our house, hubby is the go-to bill payer. He has it built into his schedule. I like that he has that chore, but we discuss finances a lot. He may be the check writer, but we make the decisions together. 

How do you and your spouse work out finances? Are you on the same page? How have you worked out the budget and future goals?

Driving in KS: Corollas & mud don't mix

Driving conditions can get a little challenging in Kansas at times, and I was lucky enough to experience four unique events within 24 hours. Just thought I'd share them. 

High Water

I went to my Hunters Safety field day Saturday which was way out in the country an hour away from where I live. Parts of my area got up to 5 inches of rain in a short time Friday night (I'll tell that driving story in a moment), so I got halfway there and encountered a sign that said, "Road Closed Due to High Water." 

I sat there for about 2 minutes mulling over my choices. NEVER cross water on a road. That was my first thought. Luckily, I had enough forethought to print maps for 2 different routes, so with a bit of backtracking I was able to get where I was going. 

 

Wildlife crossing

I was trucking along once I got on my new route when ALL OF A SUDDEN I had to slam on my brakes for what appeared to be four small people crossing the road. Nope, they were just a mother wild turkey and her three babies. But, dang, they're big!

Oh dang, I'm stuck

The Hunters Safety coordinator guy told me an alternate route that was supposed to be better than the Mapquest route due to mud since, as I said above, many areas got huge rain. 

Well... it still wasn't enough for my little 2001 Corolla. I was a mile away from the place when - whoosh - my car just slid to the right and plunked over the edge of the ditch in the middle of nowhere. 

Sigh. 

A phone call later and 3 guys with 2 trucks came to rescue me.

 

Driving in a hail storm

Lastly, I am so grateful for my husband's calm demeanor. He and I and his parents were driving home Friday night from dinner when the storm hit. We had no idea such a fierce storm was expected. To be honest, I don't think anyone did. 

As we drove at 9:30 at night down a deserted pitch black country highway, hail began to pelt our car. It sounded like someone was throwing rocks at the car as hard as they could and I knew, just knew, a window would shatter (but it didn't). My mother in law and I held newspapers between us and the windows just in case, and I heard both of us praying at one point. 

Not only that, it rained so hard my husband literally could not even see the lines on the roadway anymore much less whether anyone was coming in the other lane. We had to pull over at a farm house and wait it out, and let me tell you, he's not a wait-it-out kind of guy. If he pulled over, you know it was bad. Here are a couple of the dents the car had after that drive. 

 

 

Versatility matters: 2nd blog award!

A big shout-out of thanks to Life with Lorelai who nominated this blog for the Versatile Blogger Award. How exciting! Especially after last month, when a couple of really great bloggers humbled me by nominating my little venture for the Epically Awesome Award of Epic Awesomeness.

Lorelai runs a blog where she describes herself as "a Mom, Writer, Pumpkin Artist, Karaoke Singing, Cooking, Gardener Blogging about Life, Love, Interests..." She has a lot of fun posts, so head on over and check it out!

I think versatility is a great quality to have in our modern world. My mom's dad always told her, "Barchy, don't be a jack of all trades, be a master of one." Well, Barchy and me, we've both had to be versatile to get by in life. So I appreciate this award even more. 

The rules are I need to nominate up to 15 other blogs and tell you 7 things about me.

I have encountered so many great blogs lately - parenting blogs, crafty blogs and spiritual blogs that cover a variety of topics, here are a few - in addition to the ones I nominated for the Epic award:

Called To Be a Mom

Upside Down Kids

At the Lake

Missy Homemaker

Crystal's Tiny Treasures

Grandpa's Christian Soldiers

Mommie Daze

Golden Reflections

Devoted Sonriser

Humble Bumble

Creative K Kids

The Paper Vine

The Practically Green Mom

And 7 things about me... hmmmmm.... let's see...

1. I do not like complicated cooking. I tried making a "roux" for gumbo the other night, burned it twice, melted a spoon and, when I realized I'd have to stand stirring it for 20 minutes, gave up.

2. I am a sucker for Duck Dynasty. I love those guys! Especially when they sit down to pray and eat at the end of the show.

3. I like all the creatures most people don't seem to - snakes, bats, spiders, wasps. I feel like every creature has its place - not on you or in your house, of course! But they are here for a reason, a purpose, just like us.

4. I am extremely allergic to poison ivy. I *shiver* just thinking about it. I think IT'S purpose in life is to keep us humble and knowing we are not invincible.

5. I have big feet! Stylish size 9's are so hard to find.

6. Chips are my weakness. I rarely buy them because I can't stop eating them!

7. I drive a 2001 Toyota Corolla with 180,000+ miles. I love it!

It's official: I'm licensed to hunt

After many weeks of completing Kansas' required Hunter Education program online - 13 chapters and the Ten Commandments of Firearm Safety - I got to participate in a free field day this past Saturday. 

This means I am now legal to hunt in the state of KS. 

I learned in my class that 10 percent of the American population hunts and 10 percent is anti-hunting. The other 80 percent don't feel strongly one way or another. 

I want to share that while participating in the all-day field day put on by the state of KS, a local hunting club and the group Pheasants Forever I saw just how serious true hunters take the privilege of hunting. We were told time and again about safety and ethics and respect for wildlife.

We took 2 tests and even went on a mock hunt that raised several ethical and safety dilemmas to teach us. We shot black-powder rifles, clay pigeons with shotguns, compound bow and arrows, and regular rifles. I cannot tell you how many times I heard "Assume every firearm is loaded, ALWAYS." 

We were taught to consider where our hunting partners are before taking a shot, whether or not we could effectively see behind our target to what lay beyond. We were taught never to shoot at something out of range, never to put away a loaded gun, never to shoot at something at the top of a hill, never to hunt where we didn't have explicit permission or where state rules prohibited.

I left feeling that there is not and should not ever be frivolity in hunting. It is an activity that demands serious thought, planning, caution and care.

As an independent person, I want to know I can provide food for my family if need be. And as a health-conscious person, I want to know some of the food my family eats is not from a store, from a processing plant, from a mega farm. I think it can be something at once empowering and humbling, and something that keeps us connected to where we, as humans, came from.

Chuck E. Cheese rewards calendars

I just learned while researching reading programs at Chuck E. Cheese that they offer a wide variety of rewards calendars tackling everything from behavior to tooth care to chores, sleeping and sports.

You keep track of the particular activity and when they meet their goal, the child gets 10 free tokens. A food purchase is required, but you could get something small and limit their tokens to the 10 - plus they have a free play place area - to keep it inexpensive.

After recently going to Chuck E. Cheese I think it would be a fun way to target a particular area Brady is working on.

Guest posting: Easy Healthy Crockpot Gumbo

I have a guest post on making crockpot gumbo today over at Regina's At the Lake blog. She describes her interests this way:

"My passions abound and include sewing, crafting, quilting, jewelry making, and family, not necessarily in that order. The order changes frequently, I think, based on my current project, or more accurately, current projects."

I enjoy reading her tutorials on jewelry making especially, like this one she guest posted here this weekend. She has some really neat ideas and suggestions. Head on over for the gumbo post and check out her site! Thanks Regina!

For next summer: Reading programs abound

If there's one thing we learned this summer, it's that summer reading programs work and there are lots of them around! Next summer, check out these ideas for keeping kids engaged in reading:

1. Your child's school library. Ours gave a reading goal that we doubled. He'll get a certificate when school starts again.
2. Your local library. Even in our little town, the library ran a reading program. In a big city, you might find several.
3. Your state. The State of Kansas ran a reading program with the incentive of maybe winning one of a few $25 prizes.
4. Chuck E. Cheese. A fellow blogger told me recently that the kids arcade restaurant has a reading rewards program. You can find that and other rewards incentives here.
5. Book series. Junie B. Jones has a reading club and other series your child likes may as well. I just found out that Skippyjon Jones has birthday party printables too! How fun to have a book-themed birthday party.
6. Barnes & Noble. And kids earn a free book!  
7. Half Price Books.
8. BJU Press.
9. Lastly, if you don't find a reading program that fits your needs, set one up at home. You can read here and here how we did this at home to great effect.

In the meantime, while they work on reading in school, keep up the trips to the library. I hope for Brady it will always be a place of awe, of fun, of excitement, of respect, of learning. Our little library isn't open on the weekends, but we go every three weeks on Monday and get new books. Happy reading!

DIY: Making a marble scarf necklace

I'm excited to have my first guest blogger here! Today's post comes from Regina at the Lake. I have been enjoying the creative how-tos she shares on her blog and I think these necklaces are just adorable. Once you're done here, head on over and check out her site! Thanks, Regina! 

Hi, I am Regina Partain, Owner and Innkeeper of Bridgeport Lake Bed and Breakfast on Lake Bridgeport, Texas.  My passions abound and include wedding planning, sewing, crafting, quilting, jewelry making, and family, not necessarily in that order. The order changes frequently, I think, based on my current project, or more accurately, current projects.

I love marbles! 

To me they just say ‘let’s have fun’.  There is just something very playful about them.  So, today we are going to make some jewelry with, of all things, marbles!

Here is a sample of a lovely necklace made with a pink scarf and marbles.

Let’s get started.  What you will need:

One narrow, long scarf that you no longer wear.  The narrower your scarf is, the better it will be as you begin to tie knots.

For this scarf I used 3 large marbles (approximately 1” across), but for the pink one shown above (which was a longer and narrower scarf, I used 1 large marble and 8 regular marbles).  So, you will have to make the decision on size and quantity of marbles based upon your scarf.  Depending upon the length of your scarf, you may need a button, needle and thread.  The scarf needs to be wide enough to wrap around the marble without the color showing through. 

That’s it.  That is all you need.  Try to stick with marbles close in color to the scarf so that the color of the marbles doesn’t show through.   The picture shows 9 marbles, but I replaced the 8 smaller ones with 2 more large ones.

Find the center of your scarf by folding it in half lengthwise and marking the fold.  Then fold the long edges in to the center.   Continue folding to the center until your scarf is approximately 5” wide.  A little more or less won’t hurt.  

 

Place your large marble at the center of the scarf.  Now, this is the hardest part.  Wrap the scarf around the marble while still keeping it relatively in the center of the scarf.  Wrap it tightly.  Placing a straight pin on one side of the marble, while you work on the other side, helps keep it centered.

Twist the scarf into a slender piece that you can tie a knot in.  Tie the knot and pull it as tightly as you can, getting it as close to the marble as possible.  Now, remove the pin on the other side, and tie a knot there as well.   Here is what it looks like with the first 2 knots.  It is kind of hard to see in this picture but look closely and you can see the marble in the middle with a knot on either side.   

Now, begin adding marbles to both sides.  Slide the marble into the opening next to the knot you have tied.  Twist the scarf tightly around the marble and then tie a knot.  Add 1 marble to one side and tie the knot, then move to the other side and do the same thing.  Work your way up through the 8 regular marbles, 4 to each side. 

Well, the scarf I used this time was not nearly as long as the pink one in the other pictures, so I had to ‘punt’.  I only used 3 marbles, and then I gathered the ends of the scarf together and sewed a button on to anchor it and close the opening, after first making sure it would fit over my head.  

On the original pink necklace I simply tied a bow in the ends of the ribbon after first deciding if I wanted the bow in the back or on the side.  

I would love to see what you make with a scarf and marbles.  Have fun!

10 reasons every couple should camp

So hubby and I have been camping alone twice and with Brady twice since we got married on 9-10-11. I had not camped since I was a kid and it has been one of the best bonding experiences in our marriage.

Our first trip was on our honeymoon. Now let me tell you, nothing solidifies a new marriage more than camping! Lots of open, quiet togetherness with ... er ... less than modern bathroom facilities and no choice but to snuggle close on a little tiny bed.

When we have gone as a family - a blended family as Jason is Brady's step-dad - the two of them have  come home closer with some new joke just for them. Usually it involves teasing Mom in some way.

Here are 10 reasons I think every couple could benefit from a camping trip:

Chivalry

Camping gives guys a chance to be chivalrous. Guys seem to really like this. And most girls I know, modern day ladies or not, really do too. Whether it's gathering firewood, starting a fire, cooking food, keeping watch for bears or in the case of Jason in this photo, hauling out propane in the rain, they get to "save the day."

Close quarters

There's no couch to run to if he's snoring. He can't go off somewhere if we have a spat. We have a space about half the size of our back patio in which to slide past each other. We have to share that space in a much more intimate way than in our house. And whatever problems we have we just have to work through.

True sharing of work

Camping is very relaxing, but there's still a lot to do. Collect fire wood and keep the fire going. Haul in water from the well for drinking and washing dishes. Pour buckets of water over each other's head to wash our hair. Prepare food. Cook food. Eat food. Sweep the camper. Load the car for a day trip. We're in it totally together. Below is our dish washing set up.

Back to basics

Unless we go out to eat, we eat very simply. We have only a basic wardrobe. We learn every time just how little we can live on. Crackers and cheese. PB & J. Bacon and eggs on the cook stove. Spaghettios. It's like you're in college again! Whatever we can fit in a teeny tiny frig, next to our teeny tiny stove and in 2 cabinets. Life is simple there and we bring that feeling home with us.

 Blending of roles

Below hubby is fixing my necklace. He actually had needle nose pliers with him! Because we're together a lot and there are few distractions, we help each other with everything. We share grocery shopping in town. We share the cooking. I usually do the dishes. He usually takes care of the fire. We both haul water and wood. Our roles are less ingrained and we see each other in a different light.

Surprises

We learn a lot about each other in this different setting, sometimes new things. And when we take off from our campsite we have no idea what we might encounter, things different than the same old, same old at home. Below was something he liked and photographed - a ramped up four-wheel-drive van we spotted on the road. Hmmmm. I don't get the allure. But below that was something I liked and photographed - beautiful flowers.

Challenge and adventure

We four-wheeled 2,000 feet up and then down this rocky road to the top of Tincup Pass and had the time of our lives. Man, we felt like adventurers coming from flat old Kansas. It was exhilarating and we did it together.

Unplugged

We have super old cell phones, no i-anything or touch-anything. So when we camp, there is no wifi, no internet, no TV, no computer at all. We have friends who camp up at Tincup and there's no cell service there. We stayed there one night and it was amazing. There's nothing to take you away from one another. Our entertainment is each other and the land we're living in.

 Outdoors

When you camp, you feel as if you're a part of the larger world away from your hurried lives. It's as if the sky is your ceiling and the rocks your floor. You feel connected and you want to hike and roam and explore everything. The whole world is yours and you share it with each other. It's also humbling to reflect together on what God has created and how tiny we are in the shadow of its immenseness.

Communication

There's something about a campfire that gets people talking, about hopes, dreams, fears, worries. Without distractions between you, as the heat pours off the fire and the light dances and crackles and darkness descends until it seems as if you are the only two people in the world in this little tiny bubble of light, wow, you naturally draw closer to each other. What marriage couldn't benefit from that?

Stuffed patty pan squash

These squash came from a neighbor's garden. So far we've gotten tomatoes, patty pans, yellow squash and peppers. I love this time of year!

The hail took out a lot of gardens though, so we may not get much more.

You could use this recipe for stuffed zucchini too probably and maybe other squash. Here goes.

Stuffed patty pan squash

2 large patty pans
3/4 cup ground meat (I used seasoned venison)
1 to 2 cups rice (I like a lot of rice)
Chicken broth
1/4 cup Parmesan cheese
Salt, pepper, garlic powder
Shredded cheese
* You could also add diced onion or fresh garlic instead of powder

Preheat oven to 375 degrees. Cook rice in broth based on package directions, depending on amount of rice. Slice top of patty pans off and dig out insides (reserve for later), leaving 1/4 to 1/2 inch on the inside. Season inside with a little olive oil, salt, pepper and garlic powder. Set in greased pan and bake 15 to 20 minutes.

Brown meat, add part of scooped squash, Parmesan cheese and rice. (Add onions and fresh garlic if using). Once heated through, stuff into patty pan and bake another 15 to 20 minutes. Then melt cheese on top. Good and good for you.