Funny things Brady says... about peas...

So, in a previous Funny Brady post I mentioned how much he hates peas. Loathes them. Says they taste like dirt. He even wrote in his school journal about it.

Well, in the last two weeks he has told me, "Can you get peas again so I can see what they taste like? Maybe my taste buds have changed."

So, I got them. Put one on his plate last night. He ate it, scrunched up his face. "Nope. Yuck. Weeeellllll... actually, they are 45 percent good. When they were like dirt, they were 0 percent good."

Hey, that's a step up from dirt! Not a full 50 percent good yet, but getting there! Yay! Maybe someday he'll actually eat a bowl of peas. But I won't hold my breathe out for anytime soon.

The joy of finding a problem you don't have

I read a lot of magazines on all sorts of topics. Science, health, exercise, food, faith, parenting. I read so much about parenting and I learn strategies for this problem or that problem, because anyone who has stuck around here awhile knows we have our fair (and then some) share of them.

But tonight I stumbled across this headline in Working Mother that made me laugh. I laughed because for once there is absolutely no reason whatsoever in the universe I would need to read this article. This is one problem we don't have, have never had and I would be shocked to ever have in the future.

Brady is many things, but "introverted" sure isn't one of them.

Finally, some rain in Kansas

This year has been a lot better for moisture, at least in Kansas which has been plagued by drought for a few years. We had a loooooonnnnggg winter with a fair bit of moisture. And yesterday, here at home, we got somewhere upwards of 3 inches. It rained and rained and rained.

It was much needed, but unfortunately a baby cucumber plant bit the dust in the process. I only had two coming up from the seeds I saved from last year and the other one, the one that might make it, is pretty gimpy! His leaves got stuck in the seed and I had to pry them out. Sigh. My gardening adventures are becoming exhausting already.

But anyway, lots of rain here. I collect it in a big wash tub and save as much as I can for future garden watering. Here's an idea how much we got.

 

Super easy & tasty crockpot "refried" beans

With all the seasonings, just not water yet

I love the crockpot! Just adore it. And then I came across this recipe for crockpot refried beans. I've made it twice now and it is super easy.

I'll tell you two things I do differently. I don't use 2 lbs, which is one whole bag, though you could and freeze some of it. I use about a half a bag and then just season it to taste rather than using the recipe's measurements. And this time, to make it even easier, I didn't use any actual fresh onion or garlic, just used onion powder and garlic powder. I also added paprika and Head Country seasoning.

Crockpot "Refried" Beans


Ingredients:

Right after cooking.

2 lbs pinto beans (I soaked them overnight first but the author of the recipe did not)
1 large onion, chopped
4 Tbsp jarred minced garlic
1 tsp black pepper
Up to 2.5 Tbsp salt
2 tsp cumin
10 cups hot water
Paprika, optional
Head Country or season salt, optional
* Note: I did the salt, pepper and cumin on the fly, I didn't measure them. I just seasoned them, stirred them and kind of smelled them to see if they smelled right, LOL! And they turned out glorious.

Directions: 

Rinse the beans in a colander. Combine all ingredients in the crockpot. Cover and cook on High for 4 hours and on low for 2 hours. Now I cooked mine on high from about 10:30 a.m. to 6:30 p.m. and they were fine, as long as you make sure you have lots of water. Makes a nice sort of thick sauce that way in case you want more stewed beans rather than refried.

Uncover, remove extra liquid but leave enough liquid to reach the desired consistency when the beans are mashed. Mash beans with potato masher until desired consistency.

For a different kid, consider different care

Brady showing my mom his favorite tank game on the computer.

When you have a kid who is different and maybe struggles more than other kids, finding summer or after-school care can be difficult.

For one, the high-energy, sometimes chaotic and less rigid structure of a day care or camp can be difficult for them to navigate.

For another, it's nice for everyone to have a break from lots of rules and the threat of a "phone call" about a "problem." Ugh.

For us, the idea of alternate care came out of necessity. Last summer, before we had kind of gotten things on an even keel, we learned the board of our local after-school care had decided Brady would not be allowed to attend in the summer.

I cried my eyes out over that one. But once I stopped crying, something occurred to me. This might be better. Better for us. Better for him.

It made us be creative, sure, but what we ended up with was awesome! He spends one day a week with his grandmother (my mom), two days a week with our pastor's wonderfully responsible teenage daughter and two days a week at the office with us. He occasionally spends a little time with my husband's mother and a few days in the summer he comes to car auctions with us.

This alternative means he gets one-on-one attention, teaching from a variety of people, a more laid-back summer, help with subjects he needs help in and an education in what we do for a living. Plus I get lots more time with him than I would otherwise.

It is a win-win.

I'm also considering changing up his after-school care during the upcoming school year. Perhaps some babysitter and some day care, or some babysitter and some step-grandma. I don't know. But it's nice to have options.

Here are some alternate choices for care you might consider, if not all day every day, at least part of time, whenever they can pick your kiddo up and take them home:

• Family member - grandma, grandpa, older sibling, aunt, uncle, cousins, niece, nephew. 
• Church members - teenagers looking for summer work, a stay at home mom looking for a side gig (I did that one summer when I stayed home) and extra income. Check with your pastor.
• Neighbors - either teenagers or again, stay at home moms. 
• Family friends or their kids, same thing, teenager or mom looking for side work. 
• An alternate schedule at work that minimizes their structured day-care time. 
• Bringing them to work with you part of time if your job is flexible. 
• Working from home part of the time. 
• A more active camp with a theme like zoo or space.

The ever-giving memory: grandpa's rhubarb plants

Up until yesterday I had thought these rhubarb plants were put in my my husband's grandmother, Grandma Young. But I asked my father-in-law during our cookout yesterday and he told me the story.

His Dad, Grandpa Young to Jason, was an avid gardener. Always had a big, beautiful full garden. About 30 years ago he put in the rhubarb plants. He babied them, kept them immaculate, year after year.

When he got older, caring for them got harder and harder. He'd hoe a little, take a rest, hoe a little more. Eventually my father-in-law used to come down and hoe it for him. His dad would sit in his chair and say, "I wish I could do that."

Nowadays, my father-in-law continues to care for the rhubarb. I'm finding I'm getting quite attached to those plants as well.  I just could not wait until they were ready to pick this spring!

Even though this big bear of a man passed away many years ago, the rhubarbs stand tall and proud like he once did. I go down once a week, pull off several stalks and make the most wonderful cooked rhubarb. It's sweet and tart and, for me, full of the time, love, patience and care he put in for all those decades.

Even new baby ones are coming up. All his work had a purpose. We fill our bodies with it to this day. What a wonderful legacy.


Cooked Rhubarb

• Half a cooking pot of washed, sliced rhubarb stems (my brother said the leaves are toxic! Yikes!)
• 1/2 to 1 cup of sugar, to taste
• Couple ounces of water (4 maybe?)

I wish I had a more exact measurement but it depends how much rhubarb I have (I got the basic recipe from my mother in law). You don't want too much water or they'll get too mushy or runny. Gently boil on medium heat for maybe 10 minutes until the rhubarb starts to separate.

You can always add more sugar if the taste isn't quite right for you. It has a wonderful sweet-tart mix almost like a sherbet. Add a dollop of whipped cream and it is dessert!

For something more structured, here's a Martha Stewart recipe.

On Memorial Day, recall the past that shaped the now

Me and the brothers, the product of all our ancestors.

The generations that came before us had pretty interesting lives. I look at my mom and dad's growing up years and mine seem really tame!

My Mom's parents - my grandparents - were children when they came over from Czechoslovakia on a boat. Both of my mom's parents died before I was born and I'm sad I didn't get to meet them. But they had some traits I'm certain I see in myself and my son today.

My mom's dad was an electrician, a smart, short man who great up in the famed Hell's Kitchen. Wow! Much rougher than central Kansas, I'll tell ya that much. He also had to quit school in fourth grade to go work in the coal mines. That work led to death from the black lung in his 60s.

I wonder if my mechanical engineer brother, his studying-mechanical-engineering daughter, my self-taught-computer-programmer brother and my I'm-going-to-be-an-inventor son are displaying his electronics-engineer aptitude these days.

Her mother was a kind, sweet, patient, loving woman who was very ill. She died at age 32 when my mom was 11. She had a heart condition and was told that each child would take 10 years off her life. She still had 3. The last one was my mother. Chills.

I wonder if the compassion I try to teach Brady and which he seems so readily to pick up, came from her. We try so hard to see all life - even the tiniest ones - as precious.

My Dad grew up as a sharecropper's son. They had to work hard at an early age. I see that work ethic in each and every one of my siblings and in myself. We have all always worked and always worked hard.

My Dad has had three careers: military, recreation management and car sales. I've had four, LOL, journalism, science, cake decorating and now internet for our small business. In addition to the above mentioned brothers, my other retired from the Marines and is a successful communications salesman. And the nieces? Wow!

One just joined the Army and is embracing it full force. Another has her own golf-tour/golf-drink business with her husband. Another is a full-time nurse in Wichita. And the last is the one studying engineering.

And I already see it in Brady. Brady's upcoming 2nd grade teacher asked his 1st grade teacher the other day, "Does he have trouble focusing and getting his work done?" To which the 1st grade teacher said, "No, not really. He gets his work done without much prompting."

He loves to work. He tells me that. And he loves tests. He loves his homework. I see my Dad and my Dad's ancestors in that.

My Dad's family also had a farm. I recall my grandfather selling watermelons off the back of a truck. And now three of the four of us kids plant gardens.

Goodness I wish I could look into the past and see who went before. Who were the hardscrabble, intense people that must have led to my family's existence? We're all very unique, very driven. Our roots lie in  Czechoslovakia, England/France and Native Americans.

Brady needs to know these things. I haven't been good about telling him. Who was in your family's past that shaped who you are, who your children are? I think it is so important for kids to understand what came before.

There were people who sacrificed, worked, followed their passions and passed on their beliefs and way of life just so we could be who we are. Tonight, our talking stories will be about those who came before and how they made us who we are today.

Memorial Day: Joining the military is such an act of faith

My brother, Mike, serving in the Marines.

On this Memorial Day, we remember those who have passed away, particularly those who have served our country in the military, and also thank those who continue to serve today.

Here's an article from Parade Magazine on how Memorial Day came out of the Civil War. 

So I want to take a moment to thank those brave souls and then, in a second post, get us all thinking about our own families, how were we shaped by our parents and their parents and all those who came before. We live so much in the now these days. I like to stop and think about how the choices of generations that went hundreds even thousands of years before led to ... well ... to me. And then to Brady.

But first, I think serving in the military is such an act of faith. You don't know what your time in the service will bring. It might be peaceful. It might see you at war. You pledge to defend every person that lives within our borders. It's a very noble and honorable

My patriotic Dad and his big fish :)

thing to do.

We have a military vein that runs through our family. I don't know how far back it goes, but I do know my Dad completed a wonderful career in the U.S. Air Force, retiring after 20-some years and achieving quite a rank. Ours was a military family growing up with myself born in the country of Turkey, my youngest (but still older) brother born in Japan, another in California and another in South Carolina.

In our generation, my brother, Mike, served 20-some years in the Marine Corps, including stints in both Iraq wars. And now his daughter, my niece, Brittany, just recently graduated from basic training in the Army. She has embraced the military life with both arms, jumping right in. I'm so proud of her.

I also love that my Mom, back when not many women joined the service, also spent a couple years in the U.S. Air Force which is where she met my Dad. She was a stewardess back in the 1950s. How cool is that?

A big THANK YOU to all those men and women who give up the normalcy and freedom of their own lives to learn how to become soldiers and be always at the ready. 
 

There's no magic answer, no magic pill, only life

Us with the Easter Bunny in FL in 2010

Sometimes life will be going along so smoothly. Brady will be doing well, very few troubles and it's like I forget everything that went before.

And then, wham, something happens. We hit a rough patch with a couple of weeks where he struggles to keep his choices in check, when he is suspended from the bus for a day or not allowed to go to after-school for a day or who knows what else. And when this stuff happens, I get SO upset, like it's the end of the world.

Sometimes I cry or yell or pray so hard.

I think to myself, "I thought we were done with this. I thought we'd figured things out. I thought the medicine would stop times like these. That's why after never wanting to, we decided to even do it, right? And we still have problems? I feel bad for him he has to go through this. I feel bad for ME I have to go through this."

But the truth is, there's no magic answer. No magic pill. There will always be time periods that will be harder. Maybe there's a trigger - some event in his life, some change at school. Maybe sometimes we'll never know why.

But that's all it is, a brief time in life. We'll do our best to work together and get him through it, teach him to do better next time and where he went wrong, and just go on loving through the whole thing.

That's what I have to tell myself. This isn't the end of the world. It's just a blip. It's not the end result, just part of the journey. We just need to get through it, through today, tomorrow, next week until things get easier again. But not forget that they will get hard again sometime too.

I've finally come to the conclusion he will always be a different kind of kid with maybe more than his share of struggles, but when I look past all that what I see is a smart boy with boundless kindness and compassion and curiosity.

He is above all loving, honest and a deep thinker. He is intense in all that he does, good or bad, LOL! But beneath the rough times beats a very good heart, a very special soul and a very active mind.

As they say, this too shall pass. And there we will be, me and my boy, on the other side :)

Changing words, deeds, thoughts every day

Whew, this is a hard one. I realized the other day I spend a great deal of time trying to redirect my thoughts, my words and my actions.

I guess it's human nature to complain, feel sorry for ourselves, be negative instead of positive, get stuck in the problems. Or maybe that's just my nature, LOL!

But lately I've been trying harder to keep a reign on those tendencies. To turn every worry into prayer. Every negative thought into a positive spin.

Things like when my husband asked me to buy an accordion file for the office and the one I found was different than the one he had (which was falling apart), my first thought was: "He won't like it. He never likes what I get. I'll tell him, 'I knew you wouldn't like it.' " But I quickly lassoed the thought into, "If it's not what he needs, I'll just exchange it. I want him to have what he really likes."

Or when Brady was making a dam for a trickle of water using his foot and I started fussing, I pulled myself back and thought, Wait, why am I against this? And I found out there was no good reason.

Or when I'm tired, don't feel well, am frazzled or dealing with a rough day Brady's had, I have to pull myself out of the moment and say, "Hey, I'm lucky in so many ways. If there's a problem, I need to fix it and be in the solution. If not, I'll quit complaining and wallowing and move on."

This is not an easy thing. I didn't have to do this so much when I was on Paxil. Now that I'm completely free of it, I see life as it is and it is messy. But it's mostly good. And when it's not, I can get through it.

If you find yourself sliding toward negative thoughts, self-pity, woe-is-me, grouchiness at others, complaints or anything like that, corral it before it takes over. Turn it around. With effort, a person can change the way they think, feel, act and speak. I am proof of that.

It's not easy, but it's worth it and I'm finding life is so much better when I do that.

My garden: Why I love dirt on my hands

To me, planting a garden is one of the most hopeful and positive things you can do in life. You take something so tiny, put it in the dirt and have visions of food for your family.

You have to have faith that with sun, water, soil and time, it will grow. I always hold my breath. I'm new to gardening and had quite my share of troubles last year. This year already, one tomato plant I raised from seed broke in during transplanting and another was broken by hail.

Beyond that, whatever I did with my cucumber seeds wasn't right because they all washed back up in the rain and were sitting on top of the dirt. Sigh. That won't work.

I hoed two plots of dirt this year and have planted tomatoes, peppers, okra, carrots, cucumbers, strawberries and squash, as well as a couple of sunflowers and a plant given to Brady by his grandmother. It's a lot of work. More than I remembered. 

But the feel of earth on my hands, pressed into the lines and creases of my palm, clinging to my fingertips, brown and damp and sticky, I am connected to the wider world in a personal way that nothing else can achieve. I'm depending on the beautiful Earth to provide for me. And in turn, I hope to provide for it by living a life that is healthy for our planet, at least as much as I can. 

And now I wait and see. Who will make it? What setbacks will we encounter? What produce will do best this year? What will be our highs and lows as we root for these tiny plants, willing them to pull what they need from the ground and rise up straight and tall (except the squash and cucumbers, of course, they'll go (hopefully) running out to the side!)

Here is my garden plot a block away at my husband's grandma and grandpa's old place. In the background are rhubarbs planted who knows how long ago by his late grandmother. That they still come up every year and provide food for our family is such a sweet blessing. 

Here's one of my seedling tomatoes, planted at the plot down the hill from our house:

A little strawberry plant and below him a sunflower I raised from seed in the house! 

My first guest post! "10 Simple Ways to Save Money"

I was fortunate to have the opportunity to write a guest post for the ladies at the blog, Jenni and Jody. The post is 10 Simple Ways to Save Money.

Here is the first few lines of the post:

"It seems for our family that frugality is rooted in health, not only our own but the health of the planet. We save money both through the principles of recycling and reuse, and the ever-constant goal of eating well and staying healthy.Here are the ways in which our family lives frugally, most without expending a great deal of time and energy since there’s a limited supply of both."

Here is some information on Jodi and Jenny. They have a really neat blog with lots of good information, so go on over and check it out!

Jody and Jenni are two moms with nine children between them (ages 25 to 1). As radio show hosts, writers, speakers and co-founders of a non-traditional private school in Florida, they are deeply passionate about cultivating leaders and inspiring parents to raise their kids with the end result in mind.

As a parent, stop and think why you say "No"

Sometimes as a parent - and maybe more often when you parent a more spirited, more involved child - you can get in to the habit of saying "No." A lot.

In order to prevent a problem or to keep on track to get where you're going or whatever it is, it is so easy to just say "No" to something a child wants to do.

I started to say "No" to the situation pictured here yesterday, but then I stopped and considered why I was saying "No."

Someone was watering up the hill somewhere and there was a ribbon of water running down the street. Not a lot. Small enough Brady could block it with his foot and then eventually both feet, LOL.

When I stepped back and paused, I realized there wasn't enough water for him to get all wet and he wasn't trying to anyway. What he was trying to do was make a dam and it was working!

Pretty soon, when I stopped fussing at him, he got me involved too. Here I am using my foot as the dam and he has his little finger on a rock pretending to be a stranded guy, LOL. Then we'd move our feet quick and watch the held back water rush down. We also got to see where the water went when it met the obstacle of our feet.

This was a nice fun little moment for us. It was science. It was nature. And it was really okay. There was no reason to say "No," and I'm glad I stopped and thought before I pushed too hard. It's good sometimes to consider why we say what we say, and make sure there really is a good reason for it.

We're ready for summer at the office!

I'm very fortunate to be self-employed and can spend extra time with Brady in the summer.

Our unique schedule involves him spending 2 days a week at the office with us, 1 day with his grandmother and 2 days with our pastor's family. It really works out wonderfully for teaching and learning and growing.

I came up with a schedule for our days in the office that will include computer and Nintendo DS time, reading, spelling and handwriting time with Mom, free play time, errands, lunch, and doing office chores to earn extra money.

I was also blessed to have a wonderful 30-minute meeting with his 1st grade teacher and 2nd grade teacher this afternoon to get ready for next year. I'm not sure if it works this way in big cities, but in this small town I have been able to have a lot of communication with Brady's teachers.

His incoming teacher for next year suggested two great sites - Raz and Spellingcity -  for helping with reading and spelling, so we'll work on those throughout the summer to keep his skills sharp.

We're also doing two summer reading programs - the school library and the state of KS - to keep us on track. What are your plans for the summer?

More Freebies in my mailbox. Yippee!

I always like to share when I've gotten a mailbox full of freebies, just to let people know what's possible with very little online effort.

In this batch, I got a free can of cat food, free 2 liter of Pepsi, free single serve Tai Pei entree, Suave shampoo and conditioner, free vitamin and a small box of dog food.

Most of these are possible via The Money Saving Mom's blog as well as All You Daily Sample.

Teaching tool: Prize Store becomes Reading Store

Now that school is out for the summer, I sure didn't want to put away our Prize Store!

I think it's a good motivator for Brady and a nice way for him to earn some treats. So it will become The Reading Store for summer.

To the left are some high-dollar activities he can purchase, just one per week. I think he'll like that. And below is the pricing scheme I came up with.

Below that is the register and some photos of items I like to use in The Prize Store. I try and mix it up to keep it fresh :) Just added two Little Critter books for this week. He's excited!

After Oklahoma, little things don't matter....

It's really hard to feel sorry for yourself when you watch the devastation that unfolded in Oklahoma. When someone has lost a child, it's impossible to lament that your own struggles in school sometimes.

What would that parent give to have your struggles? Anything. Anything.

When these things happen, it teaches the rest of us that it can all be taken away in a second. It changes the way we live our lives. Don't squander it. Don't spend time focusing on what's wrong. Just deal with it, pour out love as you do, and know it will all work out.

When all is seemingly smooth in the world, it is so easy to get caught up in the daily battles. To feel as though things are hopeless. To become despondent and frustrated and upset. But this is just a season of our lives and it is a joy and blessing to go through them together.

Our problems today are not the end of the world. In Oklahoma, for some, it was.

It reminds me that I have to love and live like it will all work out in the end, and that today - good or bad or in between - is a gift as long as we are all together and safe.

ADHD: Find a parent advocacy center in your state

I thought I had posted this previously, but it seems I haven't. When Brady was having a rough couple of weeks at school recently, a good friend pointed me toward a parent advocacy center here in Kansas called Families Together.

I talked to a lady so wonderful and so supportive and so understanding that I choked up on the phone with her. I told her, "I talk to moms going through postpartum depression and this must be what they feel like!"

She has a child with ADHD and she also talks to many, many other parents going through the same thing. She gave me advice on when and if I want to have Brady evaluated for an IEP or 504 designation. She informed me of the steps I'd need to take and things to consider. She basically offered advice and support.

It's worth checking out if you have a similar agency in your state and you can do so by going to the Parent Center Network web page.

Below is from their "About" page:

The ALLIANCE National Parent Technical Assistance Center (NPTAC)

The ALLIANCE National Parent Technical Assistance Center (NPTAC) provides Parent Centers, Parent Training and Information Centers (PTIs) and Community Parent Resource Centers (CPRCs), with innovative technical assistance, up-to-date information, and high quality resources and materials. A major goal of the ALLIANCE National PTAC is to build the capacity of Parent Centers in order to improve results for children with disabilities ages 0 -26 in rural, urban and suburban areas and from underrepresented and under-served populations.

Fake choc-peanut butter-banana ice cream, YUM!

I found a recipe somewhere awhile back and finally made it. It is Chocolate Peanut Butter Banana "Ice Cream" though it's not really ice cream and you could make it totally dairy-free, though I added some milk. I like finding alternative ice creams because half of them at the store have egg, which Brady can't have. 

It's also healthier than regular ice cream! When our bananas get too soft, I will start cutting and freezing them for this purpose.

Here's the recipe:

Chocolate Peanut Butter Banana Ice Cream

Ingredients (per serving):

1 frozen banana
3/4 tsp cocoa powder
1/2 to 1 Tbsp peanut butter

Directions:

Peel bananas and chop into several chunks. Freeze overnight or until solid. Dump half of bananas into blender. Add desired amounts of cocoa and peanut butter, and top with other half of bananas. Secure lid and pulse mixture, stopping to scrape down sides. At this point, I added some milk in because it wasn't getting smooth enough for my taste. You could add soy or rice milk if there is a milk allergy in your family. When it starts to become creamy, begin to do longer spurts of blending until the consistency of soft-serve ice cream is reached.

YUM! Brady loved it. My husband, whose not fond of banana-flavored stuff, even said it was surprisingly good. Just had a thought (via a comment) that you could also probably add a little vanilla or almond extract or maybe even a little strawberry milk powder instead of cocoa for a different taste.

Clover fields in Kansas, how beautiful

There are a few yellow clover fields we pass by one day a week and they are so beautiful and stunning, I just had to share even though it can never do it justice. There is such beauty in this quiet place if you only look.

3 good Thriving Family articles: prayer, marriage, anger

I get the magazine Thriving Family for free. According to the Website, it is free to anyone who wants it! How cool is that! It has wonderful ideas for faith and raising a family. Here are 3 I particularly enjoyed this month: 

The first is Talking to God: Showing Kids How to Pray. This is something I try to actively do with Brady, but was inspired to (hopefully) do more by this article.

The second is The New & Improved Spouse: If you're trying to change your mate, you're working on the wrong person. In a marriage, the more we try to change the other person, the more problems it creates, I think. This article inspired me to love my husband for who he is.

And lastly, Women and Anger: Learning to attack issues, not the people we love. These are words I want to live by. I try my hardest every day and it is good to read encouraging words like this. 

ADHD: What we learned from 2 dogs, Piggie & Banks

Brady and Banks

I made a surprising discovery about Brady a year or so ago. We were with a friend who has two dogs. One is a big retriever, older, sweet, calm and steady. His name is Banks.

The other is a young, tiny pug named Piggie. Oh my word, Piggie is the opposite of Banks. She hops and yips and jumps and scampers and seems like a wind-up toy that never runs out of energy.

My discovery was this: Whichever dog Brady was with, he took on their behavior. When Piggie was out, Brady was hyper, running around, acting crazy. When Banks was out, it was the most amazing thing. His energy level came way down, he put his arm around Banks, sat down and was so calm.

It was the first time I realized just how literally and physically influenced he was by what was going on around him. For this reason, I try to keep our environment very calm and structured most of the time. I try to warn him when things will be unpredictable (no easy task). We "practice" what he will do after a school program or some other chaotic event, so he can fall back on that rather than take on the chaos of the atmosphere.

And of course I can't keep him away from active, high-energy, hyper things. It just means I know ahead of time he is likely to be influenced by it and I can warn him as well. It's no wonder he does better in the structure of a classroom and his problem areas tend to be transitions, the bus and other classes where things are not as rigid.

Just something to keep in mind when you have a child affected by ADHD, anxiety and other disorders. Their environment can affect their behavior as can the temperament of who they are with.

A happy mistake: the reading counts skate party

Brady had been working all week to be able to go on the Reading Counts skating party. He had a few incidents of acting out that put him on alert. Any more of that and you can't go.

He really wanted to go. He woke up yesterday morning saying, "Today's the reading counts party!" He was on his last chance of being able to go.

So around noon-ish I called the school and the receptionist told me he wouldn't be going :( He was on the list of kids that weren't, she said.

Oh I was sad. I cried. I mourned for his loss. Then I thought, well, it's first grade, there will be other trips, I won't be stern with him when I see him as he's already paid the consequence that would affect him the most. Not going.

I walked up to get him from after-school, ready to hug him, comfort him. But he bounded up yelling, "Skating party!" And he proceeded to tell me all about it, how tricky it was, how by the end he was zipping around, how he spent a lot of time on the carpet resting and holding on to the wall.

He went. He earned it. I was so happy and proud I could have done a little dance, but I just hugged him and enjoyed the moment. What a happy end to a sad mistake.

In a small town, everyone does double duty

This is something like the six degrees of separation, except it doesn't take near that much here in a town of less than 1,000.

These were the connections I could come up with over a few days of thinking on it:

• Our next-door neighbor is Brady's PE teacher and math teacher, and the mother of two girls he loves at after-school care. 
• Her dad was my husband's coach. 
• Her husband is one of two 6th grade teachers at the high school. 
• Her brother just substituted for Brady's class this week.
• The neighbor next to her is also a paraprofessional at my son's school and the lady who watches the kids in the morning before the bus arrives. 
• She's also the grandmother of one of his first-grade classmates. 
• Across the street from her, another neighbor, is my husband's cousin's sister-in-law.
• Across from her is my husband's aunt, a wonderful sweet little lady.
• Just one door down is my best friend's cousin, who has two kids that go to Brady's school. My car  was backed into the other day in front of their house and while we waited for the cops, Brady bounced on their trampoline with the kids for 45 minutes. 
• Brady's after-school care director has a child in his class who was also on his soccer team. 
• One of the after-school teachers has a child in his class and on his soccer team, and still another has a kindergartner who was on his soccer team. 
• And even another one is the wife of a work friend of ours who we see at events well outside of our town. She was Brady's science teacher in kindergarten too.
• And even one more rents a house from my husband, and her daughter comes to our church with her grandmother. 
• Her in-laws live across the street from my in-laws. 
• The high school janitor has a child who goes to after-school and was on Brady's soccer team. 
• The other 6th grade teacher has a child in Brady's class, one of his best friends. 
• Brady's kindergarten teacher from last year goes to our church. Her youngest daughter he plays with at after-school. 
• Her husband is school superintendent.
• His current teacher lives less than a mile from us. 
• So does next year's teacher. 
• Her husband is the local highway patrolman. 
• The 3rd grade teacher has a daughter in Brady's class. 
• The city mayor is our cousin. 
• Our pastor's family doubles as babysitter for Brady in the summer. 
• At least two of the paraprofessionals at Brady's school go to our church.
• A substitute teacher also goes to our church (she makes those wonderful tea rings). 
• His bus driver is the grandmother of one of his classmates. 
• The city receptionist is the aunt of my best friend, and also good friends with my husband's aunt. 
• I see my best friend's grandma around town and she has breakfast up town with some of my fellow church members. She's also grandma to the trampoline-bouncing friends above.
• The lady at the telephone office has a child in Brady's class and coached his soccer team.
• The insurance company in town is owned by a couple with two kids at Brady's after-school care. 
• The grocery store owner lady's daughter is on a mission trip, and last summer Brady got to go to her house with our pastor's family for her farewell party. 
• Our bank teller graduated with Jason and is married to a good friend of his. 
• Another bank employee is son of the above-mentioned tea-ring teacher church lady. 
• Yet another is mother to a classmate who also played soccer. 
• The elementary school's band teacher - who teaches only fifth graders - was MY BAND TEACHER from junior high 30 miles away! I still can't get over this. Brady knows him and may have him as a band teacher in four years. Wouldn't that be something?
• A lady from our church also works at a local funeral home and we saw here there during a funeral we went to.
• A lady at my church line dances with my Mom 30 miles away. 
• At a fundraiser at the local Methodist church, my son's principal was one of the servers. 
• My hair stylist is best friends with my husband's cousin, whose son was in after-school care and who Brady adores. 
• The owner of the bar/restaurant used to be the city maintenance guy. 
• I used to date the son of a couple in our church :) A LONG time ago. They also have a real estate company in town. 

Everyone is connected in some way and we see so many people from all areas - school, day care, bus, church - everywhere else in town. Brady told me last night, "I love living in this little town. It's the best small town." I think he's right :)

Funny things Brady says... suspected bad word

Brady says very seriously this morning, "I have to tell you something I heard someone say."

He motions me over. I get closer. He pulls on my shirt to bring me down to him. I lean over.

He whispers: "Muh-dam." Then waits.

I said, "What was it?"

He whispers again, "Muh-dam."

At this point I'm perplexed. "Muh-dam? I don't know what that means." Then it hits me. "Ohhhhh. Madame! Oh, that's okay, it means 'Lady' in French."

He figured since it had a curse-word-sounding part of it, it must be bad.

Ha!

The power of a parent over a child

I observed two ways in which I have such frightening influence over Brady and it has me reflecting on how powerful a parent is to a child:

Distancing from a friend

Brady and his friend at school who have been getting in trouble have finally gotten separated from each other and suspended from the bus for a day for their behavior. Sigh. 

I had warned him something like that was coming if they didn't change the way they behaved together. That night I told Brady he ought to spend some time away from his friend, even on the bus and recess. He was very upset and said that was his best friend and he always would be. I told him I knew no one could change that, but while they may be best friends they weren't bringing out the best in each other.

The next morning he said he had a plan. He would start playing with another boy at school, one who doesn't get in trouble at all. "Do you want me to do that?" he asked. And in that instant, I felt all the weight of parenthood, the responsibility, the power to influence another person.

So I told him, "Brady, that's probably a good idea. It doesn't mean (the other kid) is not your friend, it only means that the two of you both have some behavior struggles at school and when you're together a lot it makes it harder for both of you to solve them." I also told him it's okay to spend time with other friends, not just one person.

I told him it didn't make either of them bad, only that sometimes in life we meet people that we make bad choices when we're around them. And it is equally both of them. Not more the other kid, not more Brady. Gosh, what a hard lesson to learn at 7. I tried to handle it as gently as possible while still telling him they should keep their distance from each other for now.

Learning to pray

The other night I lost my wedding ring. Oh was I upset, even crying. I looked and looked. Jase had his hand down the vent and I had mine in the trash can. After an hour, we gave up. So I prayed about it and said, "God, it's in your hands, please help me find it." And being a non-Catholic Catholic, I threw in some prayers to St. Anthony and St. Joseph too.

The next morning I found it sitting in the middle of our counter, plain as day. I can only imagine that I set something on it when I got the food out for dinner and after all the looking for it, we were exhausted and didn't see it when we put it all away.

I told Brady the whole story. A few minutes later when he was taking a kitty-face balloon to a friend who had left it at the Invention Party, he stopped in mid-walk, put his little hands together and said, "God, please help the balloon not to pop."

He watches and listens and learns. That is the greatest responsibility I will ever have. 

My new sayings, about blessings

I've come up with two new sayings in my life, mostly to help myself not get in a funk or get mopey when things are tough. Here they are. I hope they can apply to someone else too.

1) This one is now on the main menu of my phone, superimposed over a picture of my mom, Brady and I. My amount of characters was limited, so it says simply: "Choose gratitude." I see it every time I open my phone and it reminds me to be grateful in each moment.

2) This one I use to keep myself from worrying what others have in their lives, whether it is a fancier car, more money, a child who never gets in trouble (seemingly), a bigger house, lots of friends, no stress, easy life, pretty clothes or hair or shoes, whatever it is that seems so wonderful. Count the blessings in your own life, not the blessings in someone else's life.

It makes no sense to keep track of what someone else has. And most of those things I don't actually want, but it is easy to think that I do. That will only defeat your heart and spirit. Instead, see the things you have that are good, the things you can give thanks for, even the things that could be worse but are not. Then if you want to make changes, be in the solution and do what you need to do. That is spirit lifting, not spirit crushing. 


When I follow these principles, my life is more rewarding because I see what I have to be thankful for and I don't envy or resent anyone else for their blessings. I can only pray they see the good that they have too.

Life: Take it one little piece at a time

I have such a hard time remembering this. But if you have a daunting prospect in life, any big project, skip the big overwhelming picture and break it down into small, manageable portions, a little bit at a time and it will get done.

Maybe not today. Not tomorrow. But eventually it will get done.

Some life events that might require this approach:

• Packing to move. 
• Packing for vacation. 
• Getting married. 
• Getting divorced. 
• Finding a job. 
• Cleaning your house. 
• Removing clutter. 
• Unpacking. 
• Establishing yourself in a new town. 
• Getting your yard in shape. 
• Weight loss. 
• Changing a habit. 
• Finishing college.
• In our case, getting through the school year!

If you do a little bit every day, you will get there. You really will.

One section at a time. One piece at a time. One box at a time. One room at a time. One window at a time. One day at a time. Whatever it is you want to do, break into one-at-a-times.

I've learned after many moves over the years how to do this. Start with one box, then another, and do maybe five a day. In a couple of weeks you're done.

When I had to clean a 1500-square-foot house to sell, I took it one room, one day at a time. In two weeks I was done. When I moved here to Kansas, I had an entire room full of boxes. I did one a day. In a few weeks, it was done and I didn't stress too much. But I made a point to do that one box every single day.

Right now it's the garden. Hoe-ing is hard work. I likened parenting to gardening the other day and as I chopped and smoothed, chopped and smoothed, and was exhausted, with a blister or two, I thought, whew, that really was a good analogy.

But you can see in these photos I started with one spot. Over the course of a couple days, with help from Brady and Jase, it got done. A little section at a time. One at a time.

Now I'm working on a larger parcel a block away. Whew. Did some today. Will do some tomorrow. And Friday. And over the weekend. It'll get done. But I'll take it in bite-size portions to keep my stress level down.

As a parent, I fight to take it one day at a time. I may have a larger goal, but I have to think only about today. Deal with today's successes and failures. Try again tomorrow. If I don't do it this way, I get overwhelmed and drained.

Whatever you're dealing with in life, trying the piecemeal idea and see if it works for you. Here was our progress:

Sweet words from my boy on Mom's Day

Brady's first-grade teacher, who I am never shy to say is absolutely wonderful, sent these beautiful frames home to moms on Mother's Day.

Brady had told me they were doing something "top secret," but I had no idea how involved it was. She took pictures of each, had them write what is important to them about their moms, then printed the words over the photo and framed it. Wow.

I really teared up over this. I've had my own mom in tears over the years with things I've written, but this one really got me!

He wrote some of the things we have done lately - soccer and reading work. And fixing his owwies and headaches and coughs in the night. Oh my goodness, these things maybe really do make a difference? He really does see those things as expressions of love? It seems like too much to hope for when you pour all that you have into a kid.

Thank you, God, for this boy. And thank God for his teacher for helping him express these words to me. They mean more than anything in the world.

What I love about a Christian life

Back when I was trying to figure out my faith and who I was, I used to wonder, "What if I get it wrong?" What if I believe in something that's not real? This idea used to bother me. But it doesn't anymore.

I believe in the Bible and the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. I believe it's real, deep down in my heart I do. I believe.

But, if it somehow turned out to all be a delusion and there's nothing beyond this life, well, that doesn't really matter and here's why.

My belief brings along with it a certainty in something better, something good that lives in all of us. I believe it's the Holy Spirit. It exists. I've seen it. People rise above human instinct and do better. They just have to seek it and engage it.

It's also a surety in something greater than our day to day pain, hurt, confusion and human frailty. We are all bound together in this life. We have an obligation to care for one another, to try and lift each other up to something more, something stronger.

This life I try to live forces me to consider each action, each word I say. I'm held accountable every day. Sometimes I do things I regret and I look to the model of compassion - Jesus - and his kindness toward the downtrodden and cast out. Nothing I do goes unexamined. Sometimes I get it wrong, but there is always a drive to do better next time.

Everything is connected. We are not isolated. There is something to be learned from everything. I try my best to stay humble and grateful.

And in the Christian community I see such a love of other people - whether Christian or not. A deep conviction that helping people - all people - who are hungry, homeless, lost, lonely, depressed, poor, confused, angry, in despair, is the right thing to do. The only thing to do. A conviction that there is no one who deserves to be given up on or pushed aside.

The more I am in that community, the more right it feels. I find I seek it out in all areas of life. I like to read spiritual things and the Bible. I much prefer the music on KLove to that on any other station. It is uplifting, helps keep me focused during my day and it touches on the better side of the human condition, the side that gets up and keeps going,  helps neighbors and strangers alike, prays and loves and gives. It is not so focused on self and gratification, but on something outside the self.

This is the best legacy I can think of to leave on this Earth. A life lived in this way and a belief in God and what He has set before us.  

I have lived the isolated, inward-turned life and I don't like it. Now I live by faith and it feels so right, it can never actually be wrong. So to my old self, I say, don't worry, it doesn't matter. I'm not wrong, but even if it turns out I am, this is the way I want to live.

We finished the stick house!

Back in December, right around the dawn of Invention Party, Brady also brought me the plans for a stick house. He came up with the idea all by himself and had the wherewithal to write them down. So, I said, okay, let's do it.

He told me early on he was the foreman and I was the worker, so I got some exercise in this deal. We are now done. The Invention Party was our goal to get it done and we did it.

Proof that a child's big dreams can come true. What a lesson for us both! Here is its evolution:

This is pre-stick house:

 

Brady's initial concept, written instructions and drawing: 

How far we got the very first day:

It survived the snow:

Bunny tracks in the snow in the house!

 

Things are moving along:

 

  Hanging out with the cat and then a friend at the party: 

  

The finished product in all its glory! Brady told me, "We'll leave it up for next year's Invention Party." Sounds good! In the meantime, it's a fun playhouse. And his idea worked :) The brick floor was a bonus idea that came later and it works great! And what couldn't benefit from just a little duct tape?